A New Definition of Beauty

Every 40+ woman I know is juggling the complexities of family care, career, relationships, and one thousand other responsibilities alongside the unattainable expectation that we can and should do it ALL.

Plus, it hits at a time when perimenopause is causing a revolution inside—a huge biological disruption that is so much more than hormonal changes due to the complex burden of everything else layered on top (like a vet appointment for the dog and the war in Syria and getting 10K steps every day and school bake sales and the orthodontist at 3pm and that earthquake in Turkey and a parent’s new cancer diagnosis and whether our dinner was sustainably sourced).

What we’re feeling is not normal. It’s a result of carrying the weight of the world. It’s a bodily exhaustion deep in our bones caused by being worn down from life in a culture that is hostile to healthy living, both mentally and physically.

What’s demanded of middle-aged women is ‘beautiful’ and ‘grateful’ and ‘happy’ and ‘firm.’

What’s demanded is ‘youthful' and 'thin' and ‘effortlessly sexy’ and ‘joyful in motherhood’ regardless of age or health or circumstances or life.

And the pressure is lethal.

We want help. We want answers. We’re so desperate for a quick fix that we turn to the ‘wellness’ industry where our pain points are exploited with promises of reprieve through some new product or ‘natural’ supplement or extreme diet plan or sure-fire exercise routine.

We try them ALL:

● We starve our bodies and call it beauty.

● We deprive ourselves of sleep and call it grit.

● We chase the world’s expectations—to mother, to be successful in our career, to care for aging parents, to get our youngest child to soccer practice and send our oldest child out into the world, to remain sexy and young and thin—and call it performance.

● We push through long hours waaaay past productivity with unfair treatment and unfair pay and call it hard work and partnership.

● We abandon hobbies and friend relationships and personal interests and call it sacrifice.

● We deprive ourselves of delicious food and necessary rest and pure joy and call it self-control.

● We deplete ourselves for the benefit of ALL others and call it love.

What women need in midlife is not another ‘life hack’ for resilience, but a complete restructuring of our lives.

We need an un-doing of the rules, of the stories we’ve been told, of the world’s ridiculous expectations, and of the lies we’ve accumulated into overflowing garbage heaps in our minds. We need a re-membering of who we are and what we love and why we are here and what it really means to live. We need a new and lasting definition for beauty. And we need to begin again right here in the middle of our lives, focusing on mental, spiritual, and physical health in these precious bodies we actually have.

Toni Morrison once said, “If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.”

And that’s what I’m doing. I’m using my background as a family practice doctor with a fellowship in women’s health plus my own experiences as a 40-something woman struggling through perimenopause and ALL the pressures of the world to write us a guidebook for navigating midlife.

I’ll discuss medical topics like:

● the thyroid

● the unexpected rage of premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD)

● perimenopause

● symptoms of adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

● mood disorders like generalized anxiety and depression

● dietary and ‘natural’ supplements

● the preventive healthcare measures at different life stages

We’ll talk about the slippery subject of control, how to evaluate our readiness for change, love-based healing vs. shame-based coercion, and the importance of forming deep relationships with the ‘team’ God sends to offer help and connection in our lives.

I’ll provide a jumping off point for further conversations with your personal medical provider. And ALL of it will be told through real-life stories of my own or from other women—patients or friends—who are struggling right along beside.

This new book is tentatively titled "Beauty Here, Too: Your Guide to Midlife, Perimenopause, and Loving the Body You Actually Have" and is set to release September 2024 through Bethany House Publishing.

I can’t wait to share it with you.