I Didn't Know it Would be Like This

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

This Spring.

I had a Girls Trip. Soccer Saturdays. My two nieces’ senior graduations in Nebraska and Colorado.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I had a half marathon. Out of town basketball tournaments. A writers’ conference in LA.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I had plans.

We ALL had plans for this Spring.

And probably Summer, too.

I mean, will there be swimming?

Or fireworks?

What about that family trip to Oregon to see the whales?

Now my husband is looking at a pay cut…how long will that last?

And when exactly will my parents come for a visit again?

It just wasn’t supposed to be like this.

But you know…

This weekend we woke up late. Whenever our bodies felt like waking.

I played Monopoly with the kids. The whole game!

My tween chose a new recipe from the cookbook and spent the afternoon baking.

I went for a nice long run. For as long as my body felt like running.

Afterwards, when I stepped out of the shower, I realized I haven’t dried my hair or worn make-up in weeks.

We played cards together.

We ate dinner together.

We snuggled up on the couch for a show.

ALL of us.

Together.

And now everywhere I look amid the pain. And loss. And devastation…

All I see are hearts and chalk messages and love and stories of helpers and stories of beautiful lives lived.

Lives lost.

I have tears constantly in my throat.

Such sweet beautiful melancholy.

Because I feel Him.

Here.

With ALL of us.

Everywhere.

Yes, life today is a lot different than I had planned.

I just never imagined it could be like this.