This is My Faith

The life changing moments (you know, those character-shapers??) are always born of pain and worry and grief.

These are the moments I’ve thrown up my hands and cried out.

‘Really, God? Really?? This??? Why? Why is this happening? And what am I supposed to do now?’

Or ‘You mean THAT??? No. I can’t. It’s too hard. I can’t do that.’

But…

Then I do.

I stay. Or move. Or quit. Or try. Or change. Or tell the truth.

And every single step leaves me trembling.

Sometimes it’s taken days. Or weeks. Maybe even years. A decade.

To see.

‘Ohhhhh. Thank you, God. I see. Yes. Your plan really was better all along. You were right. Right again. I’m sorry I doubt. The pain was all worth it. Thank you for challenging and changing me. Thank you for walking me through it.’

Over and over and over and over.

Then the next time comes, and I throw up my hands once again.

‘Really, God? Really?? Now THIS??? Ugh!!!!’

Hmmm…

I’m working on my faith.

And I’m so grateful for a loving and patient God.

Like a giant puzzle, He hands me piece after piece after piece.

Sometimes I cry because I can’t make it all fit. Just like my four-year-old.

But He waits.

And I know.

I KNOW one day I’ll stand back to see the beautiful result of my breathtakingly ordinary life.

The pain.

The struggle.

And eventually that stunning scene.

I believe, in time, every piece will fit after all.

This is my faith.